If you were to die tomorrow, what would people remember you by? Quite an aberrant question I know but bear with me. I know my answer. If I were to die tomorrow and my friends were trying to jog the memories of people who vaguely know me they'd say "You know Conor.. ah you do. That dashingly handsome chap with the wit of Peter Cook and the charm of Dudley Moore. Oh and a fantastic blog, Snappy Shit is the witty appellation he bestowed upon it. No? Ah the lad who wore skinny jeans a lot. Yeah him."
My skinny jeans are part of my identity. Indeed they may be my entire identity in the minds of some people. Yet I am virtually alone in my wearing of these lustrous trousers. I think I can count on one hand the amount of men I've seen in UL wearing skinny jeans since I started my course way back in August. A skinny jeans wearer such as myself stands out like a sore thumb in UL, the land of Hollister hoodies and Munster Rugby tracksuit pants. (If you are a Hollister wearer and are reading this, I advise you get off the laptop, find a mirror and take a good long look at yourself you spurious ninkenpoop).
So why are they so unpopular? Why is it that so many males abhor the mere suggestion of wearing them? A lot of men I speak to claim that they would feel physically constricted by skinny jeans that they are afraid that they would, in the most eloquent terms, "chafe my balls." That's a good enough point but I'd wager that most of these men have never worn skinny jeans. I find them snug and comfy with plenty of space for manoeuvring. It's more than this though. There is a certain social stigma attached to skinny jeans. Most men like to think of themselves as manly men who do men things in a manly way with other men but in a totally non-homoerotic way. "The wearing of skinny jeans is for girls and girls only. Any man who wears them has to be gay." But some of the world's most famous womanisers are partial to the wearing of skinny jeans, Russell Brand being the most pertinent example. As amazing as it may sound to some people, I too am straight. Only just about though.
More Irish men need to tear down the self-imagined boundaries that restrain them from totally expressing themselves. Many men just don't like skinny jeans, fair enough, but I'd wager lots more would like to wear them but are afraid of the supposed social implications, My message - ignore them. So go on, shatter the mental inhibitions that hold you back! Ignore the chuckling, buy a pair of skinny jeans and show off your feminine side.
Just one thing. Make sure you have the legs for it. Oh, and that goes for girls too.
But back to eulogising the skinny jeans. And apologies for going all Gandhi there but it had to be said. The best thing about skinny jeans is how they make you look like a rock star. Well, in your head at least. They're so suave and swag and tidy. They don't impetuously wave in the air like normal, baggy jeans but they glide. They compliment your shoes as well. What's the point in purchasing funky new boots if they're half-obstructed by the ends of your billowing jeans?
If you do choose to venture into the unknown and try out skinny jeans then bear in mind you're in good company. Some of the coolest men in history have been connoisseurs of skinny jeans. Elvis. The Beatles. Russell Brand. Alex Turner. Me. Noel Fielding. Kanye West. And of course, one of the most divisive but legendary men in Ireland, Paul Galvin.
Skinny jeans aren't for everyone and Ireland may be less receptive to their wearing than most countries in the Western World but for the men who love them, they're nothing less than beacons of absolute coolness and daring.