Saturday, 17 December 2011
"The mind has mountains" Gerard Manley Hopkins once wrote. He was right. My mind has massive peaks, peaks with precipices and often I find myself scaling these peaks, exploring my mind and the world around me. But often I fall off these precipices and into a dark unknown. This unknown is scary. It is a place where I feel alone, worthless and restless. I feel as if I must prove myself to everyone. I become incredibly insecure and irritant. In these moments of relative depression I am incapable of human interaction without tears emerging from my pupils or bursting out in a fit of unquenchable rage. I become cynical and oblivious to all of life's charms. Even football, something I have grown up with and loved with a zeal unmatched all my life can seem dull in these moments. The question you may ask is how do I escape from this terrible state? How do I return to being a normal, functioning human being? Three things help; Music, running and writing. Music is abstract and never changes no matter what mood I may find myself in. Running helps me forget all my woes, real or imagined and helps me in a strange way to prove to myself that I am not worthless, I am not alone but that I am great. Writing helps me express feelings that are so complicated and mysterious that I cannot physically talk about them. These three things are my safety ropes when I fall off the precipices of my mind.