Stumbling through a wooden box on a brisk Thursday night, dodging drunk, cascading bodies and avoiding ponds of sick. Where do you find yourself? Why UL’s favourite nightclub the Lodge of course! The Lodge is to nightclubs what Razor Ruddock was to footballers – inherently shit but loved for some abstract, innate reason.
To express just how shit the Lodge really is, you only need take into account its saving feature. What draws people, in their hoards, to the Lodge? Is it the ‘craic’ that is to be had there? Negative. Is it the economically priced alcohol available in the Lodge? Nein. The Hurlers is much cheaper. Is it the marvellous music played there? Oh, Christ no. No, the Lodge’s redeeming feature, its saving grace, its compensation for what otherwise will be a terrible night out is its proximity to UL. Students are lazy. Drunk students are even lazier. Money wasted on taxis could so easily be spent on the more alluring product of alcohol. A 15 minute walk and you’re at the front entrance to the Lodge ready to suspend reality and act the maggot for a few hours.
Let’s get down to the actual Lodge ‘experience’. Firstly, it does not look like a nightclub; I doubt it was built with the intention of one day housing 400 intoxicated students. To me, it resembles a den which middle-aged men would retreat to after a vivacious day of golf. The wooden interior, the multiple fireplaces, the (comparatively) comfortable seating areas. Look at that relatively small dance-floor and tell me you can’t picture a gaggle of men sitting around in leather sofas, sipping scotch and discussing something mundane like stock prices. It just has that feel. Of course, the classiness of a golf den is lost once you exile your imagination. Watching a first year girl vomit on another first year girl will probably do that to you.
The music is terrible. I’m quite the music snob I must admit. If it’s new, if it’s hip and if it’s in the charts, I probably won’t like it. My taste is very Rock orientated and the DJ in the Lodge (or ANY mainstream nightclub for that matter) is no fan of Rock and/or Roll. I do like some chart stuff but the Lodge don’t play them. They prefer to play Rihanna at least 10 times a night, Chris Brown and whatever god-awful rapper he’s collaborating with this time another few times and of course, the college 2k12 favourite Levels by Avicii another 3 times. I didn’t mind Levels at first, I didn’t like it but compared to some of the electronic bile I’m subjected to on a daily basis on the radio it was quite alright. After hearing it 3000 times and having to listen to every single drunk teenager wax lyrical about it for the past three months, I’m less keen on it. This one time, the Lodge played Arctic Monkeys. I almost collapsed with happiness. For a short period afterwards, the Lodge became my favourite nightclub. It’s not a very illustrious title however; asking me what my favourite nightclub is, is a bit like asking Adolf Hitler who’s his favourite Jew.
I may be at a disadvantage when assessing the Lodge ‘experience’ due to my self-imposed abstinence from alcohol (I don’t drink bah). Were one to be inebriated and as such oblivious to the terrible music and the Lodge’s many, many faults it might be quite the enjoyable experience. Might. If like me however, you are teetotal or simply don’t drink that much I’d recommend you sit down on the sofa for the night with a good book and a cuppa. You might not get the shift, but you won’t get vomit on your clothes either.
THE LODGE’S RATING: 5 STARS FOR AWFULNESS